I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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