dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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