I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so much tequila, so little girl.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
