oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
