:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize