he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
