I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
