Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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