shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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