I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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