I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
