She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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