I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
