i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
