Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just puked most of my soul out..
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