Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
