Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
