Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
