hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
