yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
