dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize