everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
