I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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