i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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