ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
