Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
