At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
