she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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