Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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