Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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