she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
