Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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