you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
