You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
