WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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