FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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