You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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