And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
