I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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