so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
