fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
