i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i think my cat just said my name.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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