even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
