Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
