I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
