Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
ok first of all what the fuck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize