too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize