I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
