Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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