I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize