New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
