Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
