can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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