It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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