Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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