Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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