I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
