It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
