Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
