In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Welp...herpes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
