all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
