WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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