Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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