how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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