My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
