I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
