I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
