No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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