I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
