Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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