did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
