just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
