My first STD was from a foam party
Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
