I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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