Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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