Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
