whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
