Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize