Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
