We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
