guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is my gift to your gina
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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