Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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