Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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