You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
