Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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