apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
