I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
