my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
