I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
