i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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