I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
