Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
