last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
