Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
