i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My cat gives me a boner
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
