My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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