I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
