i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
