I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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