Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
