You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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