I accidentally had phone sex last night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
